"we will have to resume what ever it is going on in the new year."

what the fuck does that even mean ?!

like seriously somebody please tell me.

does it mean that we practically forget anything that has happened between us just for the next few weeks and then next year we try and pretend those few weeks didnt happen ?

or is it just saying we arent going to see each other over christmas / new year so we will resume whatever 'this' is next year, but i won't forget you or what is happening between us ?

but then again no matter what happens , even if we do "resume" this - im leaving in february.

im going to dunedin and your staying here. so where does that leave us ?

where does that leave anything ?

cause - fuck - im already in. and getting out isnt an easy thing.

trust me.

when im in , im all in. i wear my heart on my sleeve. and no , it's not a good thing.

so please tell me what you mean. cause to be quite honest i have no idea.

and believe it or not i dont enjoy feeling like this.

its like theres something there and we both know it and recognise that its there.

but neither of us knows what to do about it.

...

somewhere
behind the athlete you've become
the hours of practise you've put in
and the coaches who have pushed you
is a little girl
who fell in love with the game
and never looked back.
play for her.

- Mia Hamm

fuckin good friends ae. so much for going to town with me so i wouldn't have to party alone before we met other mates in town. saying they would then like 2O minutes before the bus comes being all "yeah maybe not ae."
now im lying in bed at 1am when i should be partying it up in town with mates who im now not going to see until next year... fuck. this. shit.
oh yeah and now i have no idea when im going to get to see him again. legit havent wanted to see someone this much in so fucking long. and now im at home in easstbourne the shithole thats so far away from everything feeling sorry for myself. all i want to do is be in town with my friends and spending time with him.
wow, i dont want to sound like its all about me or anything but i honestly just thought id be able to have ONE night where everything actually went to plan. but apparently not.
fuck this. like i actually want to see him so fucking bad right now , i  even contemplated asking my mum to drive me into town (like that's going to happen !).
i have honestly never felt like this about a guy so soon after meeting them. all i want is for him to come to my house right now and just chill all night talking and cuddling. that would legit be my idea of the best night ever right now.


fuck this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5cX_ncZLls

<3

im super bored so here's 20 things about me ...


1 Tell me about your ex
not worth my time.
2 Drunken story time. GO
well this one time at band camp...  haha jk.
seriously now the first time i ever got drunk i read captain underpants thought thought it was so funny i almost pissed myself. fun times hahaha
3 A secret you haven't told many people
i used to despise my sister's boyfriend purely due to the fact that he took my big sister away from me. when they got together i had only just begun to get really close to my sister (she is 7 years older and had just gotten back from overseas) , and we would just chill out and tell each other everything. now you have to understand , i have never had somebody who i could tell everything to. and so when my sister and i got close finally having that was pretty fuckin awesome. and then to have that ripped away from me within 2 weeks was pretty shit. so yeah i kinda hated him for a wee bit there. still do for creating a gap between my sister and i. but guess what he's her ex now and sadly that makes me a bit happy despite the pain it causes my gorgeous sister.
4 A fact about the last person you kissed
uhh wish it wasnt this guy but it is and i feel rat shit about it. so , a fact - he trains with the Wellington Saints basketball team.
5 Favourite TV show
Glee :)
6 What last made you laugh until you cried
oh my hahaha this little kids book. sooo un-p.c. wow lol
7 List of concerts you've attended
- Summer Jam 2009
- Homegrown 2010
- Homegrown 2011
8 Your christmas list
- logitech speakers
- summer pjs
- books
- itunes voucher
9 What you're wearing
um jean shorts , t shirt and my leavers hoodie
10 Favourtie song
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
11 How you met the person you fell hardest for
my brother had drinks at my house and yeah , he was there
12 Favourtie memory of last summer
chillin' at the batch with my family :)
13 Craziest thing you've ever done
haha um no idea to be honest..
14 Jewelery that you're wearing
just my greenstone :) i rarely take it off
15 Turn ons
being able to make me laugh. actually taking an interest in me. good looks obviously haha.
16 Last awkward situation you were in
hahaha ahhh my sister's mate getting home (they flat together) from work at like 6 in the morning to me and this guy sleeping on the couch ...
17 Quote you live by
there's a few. like i have a whole book of them buuut a fav would have to be a Michael Jordan one ..
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
18 Opinion of age difference in a relationship
i think that anything up to like 5 or 6 years is all good. anything more is crossing the line a wee bit.
19 Opinion of cheating
fucking shit.
20 Cutest thing anyone has ever done for you
there's a few haha ..
my brother and sister got my flowers and chocolate to make me feel better after i didnt get head of sport at school.
he who shall not be named hahaha (the ex) picked me a rose on his way to see me and gave it to me
just lying under the christmas tree in town with the new guy on the scene was most probably the sweetest thing though ; i vacantly suggested it half taking the piss when we were with his mate and he decided that we would so we ditched his mate and went and lay under it cuddling and talking and laughing etc.. for about 45 mins at like 3 in the morning then he walked me to my bus and got on to kiss me goodbye. it was very much the cutest thing and still makes me smile tehe :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4jgUcxMezM

dear sixteen year old me, 

it's going to take you about a year to get over him.
yes a whole year , deal with it and get on with your life.
he's an asshole who never deserved the time and love of your fifteen year old self.
despite that , fifteen year old us was stupid enough to give it to him.
learn from this.
you won't take a gap year and despite what you think , 
you have no idea what you want to do with your life.
or what you will do with your life for that matter.
don't go to town until your 18. it will make it that much better when you do.
stop forgiving people so easily.
not everyone on this planet is as loving , caring , honest and loyal as you.
and no matter how much you wish they would be , it's not going to happen.
ring up fourteen year old us for me would you ? and tell her to tell Grandad how much we love him every opportunity she gets.
because when he's gone we will regret not telling him when she had the chance.
stop caring about what they think , or about what everybody thinks for that matter.
you are way too good for that.
just be yourself.
please - and i know you will think im weird for saying this - but honestly ..
pleeaase stop popping your freaking pimples. you will get scars.
sixteen year old me,
i could go on like this for hours. but to be honest i don't want to.
you're strong. always remember that.
you're beautiful. you may not feel it right now. but you are.
you're smart. don't get yourself down when people get better grades than you.
high school just isn't really your scene.
despite what you may think right now , there are great guys out there.
fifteen year old us was just unlucky enough to get our heart broken by one not so great guy.
oh and you'll meet one of those great ones when you turn eighteen.
at least so far so good. remember not to get your hopes up too soon though.
just like im trying not to right now.
but most of all, you may not think it's 'cool' or whatever.
but wear a sunhat. re-apply your sunscreen and dont sunbathe in the middle of the day.
you're smarter than that.
make the most of every day.
tell your family how much you love them and appreciate everything they do for you.
dear sixteen year old me,
i know you will never read this
but i needed to tell you anyway.
because it's taken some time but i finally learnt who our real friends are.
i found the strength to do what we always really wanted at uni.
 - yup even broke it to dad that it's not med school.
and guess what ?! we got over him. i dont give a flying fuck anymore.
bet it feels like that will never happen for you right now huh. but it will.
trust me.
oh and one last thing,
you are amazing. so smile :)

im bored and tired . . .

1. Relationship status single :)
2. Last person I hugged my mummy tehe
3. Last person i kissed oh , well , i'm not one to kiss and tell ;)
4. Someone I tell everything to i dont tell everything to anybody , but i tell most things to Grace :)
5. Full name Tess Alexandra Wolfreys
6. Last person I inboxed Stace - just about boring work stuff daha
7. Last song I listened to Sideways by Citizen Cope
8. Last time I cried Saturday
9. Someone I miss The big bro
10. Who my best friends are Lucy , Kram , Grace , Becky , Nim
11. Best thing that's happened this week hmm there's a couple good things that have happened haha
12. Worst thing that's happened this week found out my mate is moving to europe next week
13. Someone who makes me smile The cutest little kids who live across from me :) so adorable
14. Someone who cheers me up My Sister :)
15. Who I like like like , or ?? dahaha
16. Who I hate well , hate's a strong word
17. Worst habit uhhh you tell me lol
18. Most favourite thing in the world Spending summer with my family & friends