"we will have to resume what ever it is going on in the new year."

what the fuck does that even mean ?!

like seriously somebody please tell me.

does it mean that we practically forget anything that has happened between us just for the next few weeks and then next year we try and pretend those few weeks didnt happen ?

or is it just saying we arent going to see each other over christmas / new year so we will resume whatever 'this' is next year, but i won't forget you or what is happening between us ?

but then again no matter what happens , even if we do "resume" this - im leaving in february.

im going to dunedin and your staying here. so where does that leave us ?

where does that leave anything ?

cause - fuck - im already in. and getting out isnt an easy thing.

trust me.

when im in , im all in. i wear my heart on my sleeve. and no , it's not a good thing.

so please tell me what you mean. cause to be quite honest i have no idea.

and believe it or not i dont enjoy feeling like this.

its like theres something there and we both know it and recognise that its there.

but neither of us knows what to do about it.

...

somewhere
behind the athlete you've become
the hours of practise you've put in
and the coaches who have pushed you
is a little girl
who fell in love with the game
and never looked back.
play for her.

- Mia Hamm

fuckin good friends ae. so much for going to town with me so i wouldn't have to party alone before we met other mates in town. saying they would then like 2O minutes before the bus comes being all "yeah maybe not ae."
now im lying in bed at 1am when i should be partying it up in town with mates who im now not going to see until next year... fuck. this. shit.
oh yeah and now i have no idea when im going to get to see him again. legit havent wanted to see someone this much in so fucking long. and now im at home in easstbourne the shithole thats so far away from everything feeling sorry for myself. all i want to do is be in town with my friends and spending time with him.
wow, i dont want to sound like its all about me or anything but i honestly just thought id be able to have ONE night where everything actually went to plan. but apparently not.
fuck this. like i actually want to see him so fucking bad right now , i  even contemplated asking my mum to drive me into town (like that's going to happen !).
i have honestly never felt like this about a guy so soon after meeting them. all i want is for him to come to my house right now and just chill all night talking and cuddling. that would legit be my idea of the best night ever right now.


fuck this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5cX_ncZLls

<3

im super bored so here's 20 things about me ...


1 Tell me about your ex
not worth my time.
2 Drunken story time. GO
well this one time at band camp...  haha jk.
seriously now the first time i ever got drunk i read captain underpants thought thought it was so funny i almost pissed myself. fun times hahaha
3 A secret you haven't told many people
i used to despise my sister's boyfriend purely due to the fact that he took my big sister away from me. when they got together i had only just begun to get really close to my sister (she is 7 years older and had just gotten back from overseas) , and we would just chill out and tell each other everything. now you have to understand , i have never had somebody who i could tell everything to. and so when my sister and i got close finally having that was pretty fuckin awesome. and then to have that ripped away from me within 2 weeks was pretty shit. so yeah i kinda hated him for a wee bit there. still do for creating a gap between my sister and i. but guess what he's her ex now and sadly that makes me a bit happy despite the pain it causes my gorgeous sister.
4 A fact about the last person you kissed
uhh wish it wasnt this guy but it is and i feel rat shit about it. so , a fact - he trains with the Wellington Saints basketball team.
5 Favourite TV show
Glee :)
6 What last made you laugh until you cried
oh my hahaha this little kids book. sooo un-p.c. wow lol
7 List of concerts you've attended
- Summer Jam 2009
- Homegrown 2010
- Homegrown 2011
8 Your christmas list
- logitech speakers
- summer pjs
- books
- itunes voucher
9 What you're wearing
um jean shorts , t shirt and my leavers hoodie
10 Favourtie song
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
11 How you met the person you fell hardest for
my brother had drinks at my house and yeah , he was there
12 Favourtie memory of last summer
chillin' at the batch with my family :)
13 Craziest thing you've ever done
haha um no idea to be honest..
14 Jewelery that you're wearing
just my greenstone :) i rarely take it off
15 Turn ons
being able to make me laugh. actually taking an interest in me. good looks obviously haha.
16 Last awkward situation you were in
hahaha ahhh my sister's mate getting home (they flat together) from work at like 6 in the morning to me and this guy sleeping on the couch ...
17 Quote you live by
there's a few. like i have a whole book of them buuut a fav would have to be a Michael Jordan one ..
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
18 Opinion of age difference in a relationship
i think that anything up to like 5 or 6 years is all good. anything more is crossing the line a wee bit.
19 Opinion of cheating
fucking shit.
20 Cutest thing anyone has ever done for you
there's a few haha ..
my brother and sister got my flowers and chocolate to make me feel better after i didnt get head of sport at school.
he who shall not be named hahaha (the ex) picked me a rose on his way to see me and gave it to me
just lying under the christmas tree in town with the new guy on the scene was most probably the sweetest thing though ; i vacantly suggested it half taking the piss when we were with his mate and he decided that we would so we ditched his mate and went and lay under it cuddling and talking and laughing etc.. for about 45 mins at like 3 in the morning then he walked me to my bus and got on to kiss me goodbye. it was very much the cutest thing and still makes me smile tehe :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4jgUcxMezM

dear sixteen year old me, 

it's going to take you about a year to get over him.
yes a whole year , deal with it and get on with your life.
he's an asshole who never deserved the time and love of your fifteen year old self.
despite that , fifteen year old us was stupid enough to give it to him.
learn from this.
you won't take a gap year and despite what you think , 
you have no idea what you want to do with your life.
or what you will do with your life for that matter.
don't go to town until your 18. it will make it that much better when you do.
stop forgiving people so easily.
not everyone on this planet is as loving , caring , honest and loyal as you.
and no matter how much you wish they would be , it's not going to happen.
ring up fourteen year old us for me would you ? and tell her to tell Grandad how much we love him every opportunity she gets.
because when he's gone we will regret not telling him when she had the chance.
stop caring about what they think , or about what everybody thinks for that matter.
you are way too good for that.
just be yourself.
please - and i know you will think im weird for saying this - but honestly ..
pleeaase stop popping your freaking pimples. you will get scars.
sixteen year old me,
i could go on like this for hours. but to be honest i don't want to.
you're strong. always remember that.
you're beautiful. you may not feel it right now. but you are.
you're smart. don't get yourself down when people get better grades than you.
high school just isn't really your scene.
despite what you may think right now , there are great guys out there.
fifteen year old us was just unlucky enough to get our heart broken by one not so great guy.
oh and you'll meet one of those great ones when you turn eighteen.
at least so far so good. remember not to get your hopes up too soon though.
just like im trying not to right now.
but most of all, you may not think it's 'cool' or whatever.
but wear a sunhat. re-apply your sunscreen and dont sunbathe in the middle of the day.
you're smarter than that.
make the most of every day.
tell your family how much you love them and appreciate everything they do for you.
dear sixteen year old me,
i know you will never read this
but i needed to tell you anyway.
because it's taken some time but i finally learnt who our real friends are.
i found the strength to do what we always really wanted at uni.
 - yup even broke it to dad that it's not med school.
and guess what ?! we got over him. i dont give a flying fuck anymore.
bet it feels like that will never happen for you right now huh. but it will.
trust me.
oh and one last thing,
you are amazing. so smile :)

im bored and tired . . .

1. Relationship status single :)
2. Last person I hugged my mummy tehe
3. Last person i kissed oh , well , i'm not one to kiss and tell ;)
4. Someone I tell everything to i dont tell everything to anybody , but i tell most things to Grace :)
5. Full name Tess Alexandra Wolfreys
6. Last person I inboxed Stace - just about boring work stuff daha
7. Last song I listened to Sideways by Citizen Cope
8. Last time I cried Saturday
9. Someone I miss The big bro
10. Who my best friends are Lucy , Kram , Grace , Becky , Nim
11. Best thing that's happened this week hmm there's a couple good things that have happened haha
12. Worst thing that's happened this week found out my mate is moving to europe next week
13. Someone who makes me smile The cutest little kids who live across from me :) so adorable
14. Someone who cheers me up My Sister :)
15. Who I like like like , or ?? dahaha
16. Who I hate well , hate's a strong word
17. Worst habit uhhh you tell me lol
18. Most favourite thing in the world Spending summer with my family & friends

i don't remember.
for the first time ever , i cant for the life of me remember the majority of last night.
and im not sure i want to.

it's almost over.
my life for the past 13 years. practically all i've ever known is about to end.
and im not going to lie - im scared shitless.
especially since im deffinately going to dunners next year
woah. me. at uni. never though id see the day.
im sad, not to leave wgc. but leave all the people.
honestly cant wait for exams to be over though.
the week of my final exam is going to be the most legit week of my life
la de da for new years - sooo excited words cant describe
but still, its rather tear jerkingly emotional to be leaving all that ive ever known

just found all this stuff i wrote about you. two to three years ago now.
and yet i still cant get rid of it.
all that stuff i wrote about you.
about the guy who helped me find my heart.
who made me fall in love with him.
then managed to tear my heart out of my chest
snap it in half
throw it on the ground
and trample on it 'till it was in a thousand pieces.
in the course of one year,
you were my first love
and the first one who broke my heart - truly broke my heart.
pretty much two years have gone by
and i still cant bring myself to burn everything i wrote about you.
probably because its the only evidence i have that you ever existed
 - that we ever happened.
what happened ?

today i was playing round on stumbleupon, came across this post that was on makesmethink ...


Today, one of my best friends, Charlie, shot himself in the head at approximately 2PM. And I just noticed that I have a missed call from him on my cell phone with a timestamp of 1:56PM. MMT




dear mum ,
these are the reasons i take my phone with me everywhere and never turn it off. i need to know that if anyone ever needs me for anything i will always be there.

i cannot wait to get out of high school.
eff this.
he's a douche, but tbh i was over it before he stopped leading me on.
and to make it better, i dont like you but everytime i see you i wanna grab you and kiss you and never let you go. i get jealous when people talk about setting you and her up and i want you to come down south next year.
f*ck this.
i cannot wait to get out of high school and leave this town.

miss this

the past won't rest
until we jump the fence
and leave it behind.
really ? you are actually letting past shit stop something that i know would be so good. don't get me wrong, i completely understand. it's just that i understand so much because i let the past hold me back. i didnt let myself live the life i wanted, and its not that i regret it i just wish i hadnt let something so shit hold me back. and now you are, and it hurts me. not only because what you're letting the past hold you back from is me, is us. but because i know how much it hurts. and i hate to see you hurt, i cant stand it. fall and ill catch you, you just need to trust me. trust me. im storng enough to catch you, and i promise i will. just let the past go.
sometimes the only way
is jumping
i just hope
that you're not afraid of heights.
jump. and let yourself fall. into like, into love. whatever you want to call it. just do it. please ?
okay, im actually getting sick of begging you over this stupid fucking blog. but ill keep doing it, because i care about you. more than i should. more than i even want to. if i had the choice i wouldnt like you, id just enjoy being single in my final year of school. but because of you, i cant. and trust me ive tried. boy, have i tried.
live it up every second
life don't got a sequel.
live your life. the past is called the past for a reason. i cant handle you letting it hold you back, it hurts more than i think ill ever let on. but, it didnt hurt as much as i thought it should. and i guess thats cause i expected it, i never though you could actually like me. and its ironic, cause im pretty sure that the past, the thing that's holding you back, is the exact thing that makes me believe that you could never like a girl like me, that anybody could like me. now thats fucked up. and i dont even know how to talk to you anymore, how to be around you. not that ive tried. i just hope that nothing has changed. cause you are probably the sweetest, most genuine guy i have met in a while. yeah, you might not be as 'smooth' or as 'charming' as all those other guys who i tend to get so smitten over; but i think thats why i cant let you go.every day i think about you, about us, a future we could have. if only you just let these 'daydreams' come true.
you dont always
have to hold your head
higher than your heart. 

you seriously have no idea do you ? either that or you're too shy to even give a crap. i dont know how to make it more obvious to you rather than screaming out to you that i like you in public where everyone can hear. last night i got so annoyed, confused, happy, sad, everything that i even put t swift lyrics as my status. i havent done that since, well i cant remember when. and believe me when a girl puts taylor swift lyrics as her status something is either going seriously right or well just plain wrong. in my, or should i say 'our' case it's the latter. everyone i talk to thinks you like me as much as i like you, and a large majority of them havent even met you. if they can tell then why do i refuse to believe it ? want me to tell you ? . . its because you havent shown me that its true. kiss me , hold my hand , even just flirt with me in person , anything to show me that your feelings are there too. please ? im actually begging you right now. hands and knees begging. pleading. i need something from you, even if that something is you making it plain clear to me that we're just friends. coz right now im stuck in the middle , balancing on a thread. i just hope that when i fall you'll catch me ? but if not then thats okay too. itll hurt but the sooner the better because i just, i just wanna get on with my life ya know 


oh im scared to see the ending why are we pretending this is nothing. id tell you i miss you but i dont know how. ive never heard silence quite this loud.

cool thanks for confusing me even more. i thought one guy making me confused was bad enough. now i've got two.
the other day my mate asked me who i would go for if both of you 'declared your love' for me and i couldnt answer her. last week , i would've had no doubt in my mind. now i can't even choose. :/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ue-6GvtYA_M 

miss this <3

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here
Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way
I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here oh yeah
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

Face to face and heart to heart We're so close yet so far apart I close my eyes I look away That's just because I'm not okay But I hold on I stay strong Wondering if we still belong Will we ever say the words we're feeling Deep down underneath it Tear down all the walls Will we ever have a happy ending Or will we forever only be pretending We will always be pretending How long do I fantasize Make believe that it's still alive Imagine that I am good enough If we can choose the ones we love But I hold on I stay strong Wondering if we still belong Will we ever say the words we're feeling Deep down underneath it Tear down all the walls Will we ever have a happy ending Or will we forever only be pretending Will we (oh oh) always (oh oh) be keeping secrets safe Every move we make Seems like nowhere's safe to go And it's such a shame Cause if you feel the same How am I supposed to know Will we ever say the words we're feeling Deep down underneath it Tear down all the walls Will we ever have a happy ending Or will we forever only be pretending Will we (oh oh) always (oh oh) be pretending

the first person who is on your mind when you wake up from a deep sleep is either the reason of your happiness or the reason of your pain . .

or both.

fuck. your so confusing. just somehow let me know what your thinking. what your feeling. anything about us. please ? just let me know. i really do like you. but im scared cause i feel like it's fading. like it might go if you dont give me a sign. a hint. anything ? seriously, on saturday night i thought that was it. but you havent texted me since. maybe i should text you first i dont know. its too confusing. almost. i just really like you and i dont wanna let myself let you go. not yet anyway. i still like you way too much. but if that fades too much then im not going to be able to stop myself letting you go. everytime somebody mentions you i cant help but smile. no matter how bad of a mood im in. this is what you do to me. and i dont want it to stop. please. dont let it stop ?

WGC yr 13 Ball - July 2nd 2O11


book hair make up - check
dress - check
shoes - check
date - check xD
tickets - check
afters tickets -
pres -

i have been putting off writing this post as there really are absolutely no words to describe my two ish weeks in Nepal. i have tried and tried but i cannot seem to explain to anyone how amazing my time was. it was a completely life changing experience but not in any ways that i would be able to show or describe to anyone, and trust me - ive tried.

and now, being back ive gone back to being unhappy and lonely. im not enjoying school and im as lonely as ive ever been. im jealous of my close friends who have boyfriends and girlfriends and are genuinely happy. it seems that the only thing that makes me really happy at the moment is football, which is awesome since its been over 5 months since i was injured and im finally able to train and play again. but that doesnt take up much time at all. last term i really started to enjoy school, now - after travelling to such an amazing country - i hate it. all i can think about is my plans for next year and planning what im going to study at uni the year after. i cant seem to motivate myself to do the work i need to do, i sit in class sleeping and listening to my ipod and i dont know what to do to change it. the worst part of it is the massive whole in my chest. im so lonely, after spending every day surrounded by people im hating being back in such quiet. and to make it that much worse, a lot of my really close friends have boyfriends or girlfriends and i havent heard anything from the guy i like even though things seemed to be going pretty well before i left. i duno what to do ae , i cant help wanting a boyfriend but i really do. i just want to feel like somebody needs me, like somebody loves me. somebdy other than my family and friends. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it makes so pissed off with myself which makes me feel even worse. anyway, im really looking forward to football training on monday which is good and im in the set team for stage challenge which is also rather exciting :). forever trying to be the optimist huh.

i just need to know where i stand with you ... please ?

its only two weeks. but its two weeks of holidays. where you'll being hanging out with other people and having an awesome time. yes, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. and of course i want to go. i just dont want everything to change. i know i have to prepare myself for the worst but its hard to. i dont want you to go anywhere. just want you here when i get back. like i didnt even go. maybe even better than now, before i go that is. please. dont come and go. just stay. i miss you when you're not here. and when im with you i dont want you to leave. im just scared. that when im gone you'll find someone. someone else. and that when i get back everything will be different. after the weekend. i duno. i just feel like something's there. something that i shouldnt give up on. no, something that we shouldnt give up on. and its really scaring me. thinking about how it all might be different when i get back. its only two weeks. but its over two weeks of not seeing you. not even talking to you. just so you know, ill be thinking about you. every time i look at the stars ill think of you and how the stars amaze you. i just hope you'll be thinking of me too.     =/

“I have noticed that if you look carefully at people’s eyes 
the first five seconds they look at you, 
the truth of their feelings will shine through 
for just an instant before it flickers away."
 - The Secret Life Of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)

i dont know how to explain this feeling. boy you got me so loved up. so crazy over you.
i dont know. i love it but boy you scare me. how can you have this much power over me ?
im scared to let myself go. let me love and be loved. cause who knows what will happen.
i guess thats the exciting bit of it too. the not knowing that is. but mostly for me. its scary.
i dont know if ill get hurt again. i need to trust you. and that aint gonna happen automatically.
you. you gotta earn my trust. and please do. cause i wanna trust you more than anything.
i dont just want you though. i want us. you and i. me and you. but we'll see. im just full of this thing called

HOPE.

<3

today has so far been a very good day :) . .


 - less than one week to go. this time next week i will be on my way to , maybe in singapore , on my way to Nepal :)  i seriously am so amazingly excited its crazy. but really scared at the same time. guess its  the unknown that scares me the most. not knowing what to expect. not knowing if ill get sick  or not. i duno , its just makes me really nervous. still super excited though ! ahhh xD

 - it's official (well semi-official) , i, Tess Alexandra Wolfreys am the captain of the WGC 1st XI Football team for 2O11 :) . . tehe pretty happy to be honest.

Life's not always fair.
Sometimes you can get a splinter,
even sliding down a rainbow.

-Terri Guillemets

when one door of happiness closes,
another opens, often we look so long
at the closed door that we do not see
the one that has been opened for us.
-Helen Keller

to be honest i really just dont give a shit anymore. ive waited round way too long for you to care when you start being a dick again. when its good its good but then i see you. and one week after it was all so 'good' its absolute shit. seriously bro , sort out what you want in life ae, coz you've pretty much lost me already. i duno , it just seems like you couldnt care less. and to be quite frank, i do care. but ill be over it soon enough. i mean seriously , it just doesnt matter to me anymore , coz i need i guy who treats me good. and , well . . . i can play the ukelele xD

cool so finally you learn how to not be so shy and make my life by asking if i wanna have a movie night sometime. yay =] .. and then because my immune system is so wack at the moment my body decides to get strep throat and now not only do i have a suuuper sore throat and no appetite i also have a rash all over my upper body including my face. this better be fucking gone by friday so that i can finally spend some time with you cause i have been waiting my whole life for this. : /

i dont even know how to explain it. its like i cant give up on you. sometimes it makes me think that its 'meant to be' or whatever. other times it makes me think im stupid. either way i ain't stopping. cause something is happening. something good. and it feels right. no, not just right. its feels like its supposed to happen. i duno, hard to explain really. please just dont be too shy anymore. because soon. soon ill stop. soon i really will give up. it may not seem like it. but i will. im not waiting round for 'maybe'. i need 'now'. i need you.

okay, so my last post was all about the earhthquake, took me a few days to write in between doing my seven page p.e assignment and talking to people on facebook and school etc etc.. anyways, for another massively long post from moi :

my brother moved down to dunedin over a month ago, havent seen his pretty little face other than in photos since then. im finding it really hard to grasp and to handle really, especially last week. i was very sick with some virus thing, and whenever im sick or upset or anything along those lines the first person i want is him. he is home to me, which i know is weird. you dont here many teenage girls asking for their brother when they're upset or sick, most want their mums or dads, sisters or best friend maybe. but i guess my brother and i have quite a unique relationship, hes like my protector. not to say i dont want my mum or dad or sister when im sick because its very comforting having them there too. but i was on the verge of tears all last week because i wanted jack, yet i couldnt see him. and thats when it really began to hit home that he wasnt just on holiday, that he wasnt coming back anytime soon. mum keeps telling me that i just dont seem happy anymore, ive noticed that shes only been saying that since he left. that really shocked me because during the day, when im around my friends im happy as anything, but she doesnt see that. its when i get home that im upset and i assume thats because my big brother isnt here anymore, when im with my friends it takes my mind off it, i can pretend that hes going to be there when i get home. but when i actually get home and he ain't there, i duno. its like something inside me ticks over, everything pisses me off and i can only just keep myself from crying at the smallest things. there are very few people ive ever missed this much in my life. only know that he misses me too and that i will get to see him soon hopefully keeps me from going crazy. iloveyoubro.

when i think that the last time i posted was only a month & a bit ago it freaks me out.
so so much has happened in that time. its a bit scary.

February 22 was just a normal day. well maybe a bit better than normal cause i had talked to 'this guy' on the phone the night before =P .. i was in stats, as usual using the period to hang out with friends and, occasionally do the work. when with maybe 5 minutes to go my friend told me there had been a massive earthquake in Christchurch. yes it was only 4.1 magnitude but when a quake of that magnitude is only 5km deep it can and will cause devestation. so many emotions overcame me in those next 5 minutes , shock,disbelief,denial,questioning,fear. and finally when it sunk in,sadness. the thought of having to finish the school day and go to dragon boating without knowing whether or not my family and a very good friend of mine were okay seemed incomprehensible. i was overcome with this need to help, but i knew that all i could do was give money and show my support, other than that there was nothing i could do. i wasnt a trained professional, just another high school student feeling utterly helpless. so close yet so far away, that night it felt like i was watching the news from a different country. it just couldn't be new zealand that this disaster had struck. aotearoa, my home, so little, so helpless, yet so strong, so powerful, and so so amazing. tears fell more than once that night watching the news. with relief when finding out everyone i knew was okay, and when realising the amounts of people trapped under the tonnes of rubble being shown on the tv. it was so surreal. this sort of stuff isnt supposed to happen to us. to little nz , chillin at the bottom of the pacific ocean. but on 22/2/11 'this sort of stuff' did happen. and it affected & touched every last person in 'little nz' in one way or another. everybody knows somebody or knows somebody who knows somebody who was in christchurch for that terrifying earthquake. its what rhys darby likes to call "2 degrees of seperation". still, 2 weeks later i cant seem to come to terms with the immense devestation in chch, even after hearing some people's stories first hand, it still feels so surreal to me. im doing my best to do whatever i can to help christchurch in the wake of this event but really , when you've given money and shown your support what more is there other than hope ?            kia kaha christchurch

sometimes , you just can't tell anybody how you really feel , not because you don't know why. not because you don't know your purpose. not because you don't trust them. but because you can't find the right words to make them understand.

ok so i guess im excited about all the epic things going on at school this year but seriously , these holidays went waaaaay too fast ! ..

time is going by too quickly and it's freaking me out. only one week until my big brother leaves. its going to destroy me. i just dont want him to go at all. i dont care if thats selfish but im just gonna be left here. the thing is the longest amount of time ive ever been apart from him is like 3 weeks at the most. i dont know if i can handle over 3 months.

craziest dude in the world .. watch him chase cyclone yasi live as it hits townsville in australia.... http://www.ustream.tv/channel/townsville-skycam-mobile

Kolohe Kai are coming to NZ !

with 1814 and sons of zion.

performing 23rd March , Te Rauparaha Arena - Porirua.

so f*cking excited.

Homegrown March 5th & Kolohe Kai March 23rd.
oh and you move down on Feb 12th :)
- next few months are gonna be soooooo sweet !

i wanna see you so freakin bad

funny thing is , this could be about either of you.

or both of you.

i don't really know.

i've been sitting here for about an hour figuring out how to put today in to words. but for some reson i cant seem to. my older sister's friend's new baby is one week old , and today i met her.
Emalia Jennifer McIntosh you are the most beautiful and perfect little girl i have ever seen. <3

one month and you'll be gone.

don't get me wrong im not counting down.
complete opposite in fact.
i dont want this month come and go.

You know it ain't easy For these thoughts here to leave me There's no words to describe it In French or in English Cuz' diamonds they fade And flowers they bloom And I'm telling you These feelings won't go away They've been knockin' me sideways They've been knockin' me out late Whenever you come around me These feelings won't go away They've been knockin' me sideways I keep thinking in a moment that Time will take them away But these feelings won't go away These feelings won't go away It ain't easy For these thoughts here to leave me There's no words to describe it In French or in English Cuz' diamonds they fade (diamonds they fade) And flowers they bloom (flowers they bloom) And I'm telling you These feelings won't go away They've been knockin' me sideways They've been knockin' me out late Whenever you come around me These feelings won't go away They've been knockin' me sideways I keep thinking in a moment that Time will take them away These feelings won't go away They've been knockin' me sideways I keep thinking in a moment that Time will take them away These feelings won't go away These feelings won't go away Diamonds they fade Flowers they bloom But, I'm telling you I'm telling you Diamonds they fade Flowers they bloom (Flowers they bloom) I'm telling you (I'm telling you) I'm telling you (I'm telling you) These feelings won't go away They've been knockin' me sideways They've been knockin' me out late Whenever you come around me These feelings won't go away They've been knockin' me sideways I keep thinking in a moment that Time will take them away But, these feelings won't go away They've been knockin' me sideways I keep thinking in a moment that Time will take them away But, these feelings won't go away These feelings won't go away Nah, these feelings won't go away These feelings won't go away        <3

i know this isnt my picture blog but i had to put this on here.

[stolen from grace's blog tehe ily]

because , when away.

i found mine.

well i found a few who were willing but ...

only one who i wanted to be my cuddle partner ;)

i just hope the feelings are mutual

cause hes moving here this year.

Dear _ _ _ _ ,

will you be my cuddle partner for 2O11 & hopefully more ?

Love Tess.

2O11.
one week down.
fiftyone to go.
- not that im counting down or anything -

i keep thinking of new years resolutions.

and how although they are supposed to be goals , something to work towards.

they just get me down cause i hardly ever achieve them

so this year , i have only one 

- to believe in myself -

wow that sounds cheesy.

but the thing is , i hardly ever believe in myself.

secretly , the reson i never try hard in anything is because im afraid of failing

failing something that i tried really hard to , well , not fail.

i can't say im looking forward to this year exactly , but im happy the last one is over in many ways. don't get me wrong , im excited for all the things and opportunities this year brings with it. i anticipate all the awesome memories that will be made and all the epic people i will meet and to spend heaps of time with them , and all the epic people i already know , a few who i just met , who i will hopefully become closer to over the next 51 weeks.  

wow.
papamoa.
four days.
crazy times.
epic people.
new years.
first hug of 2O11.
cheese toasties.
never forget.