just a little rant.

why are so many people scared of saying how they really feel.
we are only given one life to live so why wouldnt we tell somebody if we love them or tell our boss we hate our job and quit because its making us unhappy. why do we waste so much time worrying about what others think , or trying to figure out what the "deeper meaning" of his text is. it says hey , there is no deeper fucking meaning other than 'hey'.
so many people let others walk in and out of their lives without ever saying what they always wanted to.
ever thought that maybe the reason that person isnt in your life in anymore is because you never said what you should have ? like maybe telling them how much you appreciate them or that even though you dont have much time to spend with them at the moment you still treasure their friendship ? anything at all.
cause people will leave you. if you dont make an effort they will leave. relationships are actually two way things. i know - wooooooaaaaah too much information ! slow down ! you actually have to talk to them too , and tell them they're a good friend and share things with them too ?! fuuuck so old school - yes , 'oldschool'. but guess what ? you dont do oldschool , in other year you aint gon' have any friends let alone a boyfriend or girlfriend. so suck it up.
we only have one life to live , so why do you constantly hear people talking about how somebody close to them died without them ever telling them how much they love them and appreciate everything or how they just let the love of their life walk away without saying one word. seriously people , suck it up. nobody cares if you sound like a 'pussy' or whatever because in the long run isnt it better to live a life full of happiness and without regrets ? because tomorrow is never promised. nobody can say 100% that you will live to see the end of the next year let alone the next month or day. and imagine that , dying knowing that there are people out there that will never know how you truely feel. just lying there knowing that you will never get to accomplish things you had always dreamed of but aways put off because some small minded people had laughed at you and said that you would never succeed. how do you know that if you never even tried huh ? what ever happened to proving those small minded people wrong ? and really , who cares if you dont succeed because then you will know. and you wont live your whole life saying what if ?
those two words are two of the most simple words. but place them next to each other and you get put in one of lifes most frightening positions. what. if.
so heres an idea. get rid of those 'what ifs'.
tell people how you feel. live your dreams. stop worrying about what others think of you. be happy for you and the rest will come. and seriously - if you love them , tell them. every day.
because honestly , you were only given one life so why waste it.

"we will have to resume what ever it is going on in the new year."

what the fuck does that even mean ?!

like seriously somebody please tell me.

does it mean that we practically forget anything that has happened between us just for the next few weeks and then next year we try and pretend those few weeks didnt happen ?

or is it just saying we arent going to see each other over christmas / new year so we will resume whatever 'this' is next year, but i won't forget you or what is happening between us ?

but then again no matter what happens , even if we do "resume" this - im leaving in february.

im going to dunedin and your staying here. so where does that leave us ?

where does that leave anything ?

cause - fuck - im already in. and getting out isnt an easy thing.

trust me.

when im in , im all in. i wear my heart on my sleeve. and no , it's not a good thing.

so please tell me what you mean. cause to be quite honest i have no idea.

and believe it or not i dont enjoy feeling like this.

its like theres something there and we both know it and recognise that its there.

but neither of us knows what to do about it.

...

somewhere
behind the athlete you've become
the hours of practise you've put in
and the coaches who have pushed you
is a little girl
who fell in love with the game
and never looked back.
play for her.

- Mia Hamm

fuckin good friends ae. so much for going to town with me so i wouldn't have to party alone before we met other mates in town. saying they would then like 2O minutes before the bus comes being all "yeah maybe not ae."
now im lying in bed at 1am when i should be partying it up in town with mates who im now not going to see until next year... fuck. this. shit.
oh yeah and now i have no idea when im going to get to see him again. legit havent wanted to see someone this much in so fucking long. and now im at home in easstbourne the shithole thats so far away from everything feeling sorry for myself. all i want to do is be in town with my friends and spending time with him.
wow, i dont want to sound like its all about me or anything but i honestly just thought id be able to have ONE night where everything actually went to plan. but apparently not.
fuck this. like i actually want to see him so fucking bad right now , i  even contemplated asking my mum to drive me into town (like that's going to happen !).
i have honestly never felt like this about a guy so soon after meeting them. all i want is for him to come to my house right now and just chill all night talking and cuddling. that would legit be my idea of the best night ever right now.


fuck this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5cX_ncZLls

<3

im super bored so here's 20 things about me ...


1 Tell me about your ex
not worth my time.
2 Drunken story time. GO
well this one time at band camp...  haha jk.
seriously now the first time i ever got drunk i read captain underpants thought thought it was so funny i almost pissed myself. fun times hahaha
3 A secret you haven't told many people
i used to despise my sister's boyfriend purely due to the fact that he took my big sister away from me. when they got together i had only just begun to get really close to my sister (she is 7 years older and had just gotten back from overseas) , and we would just chill out and tell each other everything. now you have to understand , i have never had somebody who i could tell everything to. and so when my sister and i got close finally having that was pretty fuckin awesome. and then to have that ripped away from me within 2 weeks was pretty shit. so yeah i kinda hated him for a wee bit there. still do for creating a gap between my sister and i. but guess what he's her ex now and sadly that makes me a bit happy despite the pain it causes my gorgeous sister.
4 A fact about the last person you kissed
uhh wish it wasnt this guy but it is and i feel rat shit about it. so , a fact - he trains with the Wellington Saints basketball team.
5 Favourite TV show
Glee :)
6 What last made you laugh until you cried
oh my hahaha this little kids book. sooo un-p.c. wow lol
7 List of concerts you've attended
- Summer Jam 2009
- Homegrown 2010
- Homegrown 2011
8 Your christmas list
- logitech speakers
- summer pjs
- books
- itunes voucher
9 What you're wearing
um jean shorts , t shirt and my leavers hoodie
10 Favourtie song
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
11 How you met the person you fell hardest for
my brother had drinks at my house and yeah , he was there
12 Favourtie memory of last summer
chillin' at the batch with my family :)
13 Craziest thing you've ever done
haha um no idea to be honest..
14 Jewelery that you're wearing
just my greenstone :) i rarely take it off
15 Turn ons
being able to make me laugh. actually taking an interest in me. good looks obviously haha.
16 Last awkward situation you were in
hahaha ahhh my sister's mate getting home (they flat together) from work at like 6 in the morning to me and this guy sleeping on the couch ...
17 Quote you live by
there's a few. like i have a whole book of them buuut a fav would have to be a Michael Jordan one ..
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
18 Opinion of age difference in a relationship
i think that anything up to like 5 or 6 years is all good. anything more is crossing the line a wee bit.
19 Opinion of cheating
fucking shit.
20 Cutest thing anyone has ever done for you
there's a few haha ..
my brother and sister got my flowers and chocolate to make me feel better after i didnt get head of sport at school.
he who shall not be named hahaha (the ex) picked me a rose on his way to see me and gave it to me
just lying under the christmas tree in town with the new guy on the scene was most probably the sweetest thing though ; i vacantly suggested it half taking the piss when we were with his mate and he decided that we would so we ditched his mate and went and lay under it cuddling and talking and laughing etc.. for about 45 mins at like 3 in the morning then he walked me to my bus and got on to kiss me goodbye. it was very much the cutest thing and still makes me smile tehe :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4jgUcxMezM

dear sixteen year old me, 

it's going to take you about a year to get over him.
yes a whole year , deal with it and get on with your life.
he's an asshole who never deserved the time and love of your fifteen year old self.
despite that , fifteen year old us was stupid enough to give it to him.
learn from this.
you won't take a gap year and despite what you think , 
you have no idea what you want to do with your life.
or what you will do with your life for that matter.
don't go to town until your 18. it will make it that much better when you do.
stop forgiving people so easily.
not everyone on this planet is as loving , caring , honest and loyal as you.
and no matter how much you wish they would be , it's not going to happen.
ring up fourteen year old us for me would you ? and tell her to tell Grandad how much we love him every opportunity she gets.
because when he's gone we will regret not telling him when she had the chance.
stop caring about what they think , or about what everybody thinks for that matter.
you are way too good for that.
just be yourself.
please - and i know you will think im weird for saying this - but honestly ..
pleeaase stop popping your freaking pimples. you will get scars.
sixteen year old me,
i could go on like this for hours. but to be honest i don't want to.
you're strong. always remember that.
you're beautiful. you may not feel it right now. but you are.
you're smart. don't get yourself down when people get better grades than you.
high school just isn't really your scene.
despite what you may think right now , there are great guys out there.
fifteen year old us was just unlucky enough to get our heart broken by one not so great guy.
oh and you'll meet one of those great ones when you turn eighteen.
at least so far so good. remember not to get your hopes up too soon though.
just like im trying not to right now.
but most of all, you may not think it's 'cool' or whatever.
but wear a sunhat. re-apply your sunscreen and dont sunbathe in the middle of the day.
you're smarter than that.
make the most of every day.
tell your family how much you love them and appreciate everything they do for you.
dear sixteen year old me,
i know you will never read this
but i needed to tell you anyway.
because it's taken some time but i finally learnt who our real friends are.
i found the strength to do what we always really wanted at uni.
 - yup even broke it to dad that it's not med school.
and guess what ?! we got over him. i dont give a flying fuck anymore.
bet it feels like that will never happen for you right now huh. but it will.
trust me.
oh and one last thing,
you are amazing. so smile :)

im bored and tired . . .

1. Relationship status single :)
2. Last person I hugged my mummy tehe
3. Last person i kissed oh , well , i'm not one to kiss and tell ;)
4. Someone I tell everything to i dont tell everything to anybody , but i tell most things to Grace :)
5. Full name Tess Alexandra Wolfreys
6. Last person I inboxed Stace - just about boring work stuff daha
7. Last song I listened to Sideways by Citizen Cope
8. Last time I cried Saturday
9. Someone I miss The big bro
10. Who my best friends are Lucy , Kram , Grace , Becky , Nim
11. Best thing that's happened this week hmm there's a couple good things that have happened haha
12. Worst thing that's happened this week found out my mate is moving to europe next week
13. Someone who makes me smile The cutest little kids who live across from me :) so adorable
14. Someone who cheers me up My Sister :)
15. Who I like like like , or ?? dahaha
16. Who I hate well , hate's a strong word
17. Worst habit uhhh you tell me lol
18. Most favourite thing in the world Spending summer with my family & friends

i don't remember.
for the first time ever , i cant for the life of me remember the majority of last night.
and im not sure i want to.

it's almost over.
my life for the past 13 years. practically all i've ever known is about to end.
and im not going to lie - im scared shitless.
especially since im deffinately going to dunners next year
woah. me. at uni. never though id see the day.
im sad, not to leave wgc. but leave all the people.
honestly cant wait for exams to be over though.
the week of my final exam is going to be the most legit week of my life
la de da for new years - sooo excited words cant describe
but still, its rather tear jerkingly emotional to be leaving all that ive ever known

just found all this stuff i wrote about you. two to three years ago now.
and yet i still cant get rid of it.
all that stuff i wrote about you.
about the guy who helped me find my heart.
who made me fall in love with him.
then managed to tear my heart out of my chest
snap it in half
throw it on the ground
and trample on it 'till it was in a thousand pieces.
in the course of one year,
you were my first love
and the first one who broke my heart - truly broke my heart.
pretty much two years have gone by
and i still cant bring myself to burn everything i wrote about you.
probably because its the only evidence i have that you ever existed
 - that we ever happened.
what happened ?

today i was playing round on stumbleupon, came across this post that was on makesmethink ...


Today, one of my best friends, Charlie, shot himself in the head at approximately 2PM. And I just noticed that I have a missed call from him on my cell phone with a timestamp of 1:56PM. MMT




dear mum ,
these are the reasons i take my phone with me everywhere and never turn it off. i need to know that if anyone ever needs me for anything i will always be there.

i cannot wait to get out of high school.
eff this.
he's a douche, but tbh i was over it before he stopped leading me on.
and to make it better, i dont like you but everytime i see you i wanna grab you and kiss you and never let you go. i get jealous when people talk about setting you and her up and i want you to come down south next year.
f*ck this.
i cannot wait to get out of high school and leave this town.

miss this

the past won't rest
until we jump the fence
and leave it behind.
really ? you are actually letting past shit stop something that i know would be so good. don't get me wrong, i completely understand. it's just that i understand so much because i let the past hold me back. i didnt let myself live the life i wanted, and its not that i regret it i just wish i hadnt let something so shit hold me back. and now you are, and it hurts me. not only because what you're letting the past hold you back from is me, is us. but because i know how much it hurts. and i hate to see you hurt, i cant stand it. fall and ill catch you, you just need to trust me. trust me. im storng enough to catch you, and i promise i will. just let the past go.
sometimes the only way
is jumping
i just hope
that you're not afraid of heights.
jump. and let yourself fall. into like, into love. whatever you want to call it. just do it. please ?
okay, im actually getting sick of begging you over this stupid fucking blog. but ill keep doing it, because i care about you. more than i should. more than i even want to. if i had the choice i wouldnt like you, id just enjoy being single in my final year of school. but because of you, i cant. and trust me ive tried. boy, have i tried.
live it up every second
life don't got a sequel.
live your life. the past is called the past for a reason. i cant handle you letting it hold you back, it hurts more than i think ill ever let on. but, it didnt hurt as much as i thought it should. and i guess thats cause i expected it, i never though you could actually like me. and its ironic, cause im pretty sure that the past, the thing that's holding you back, is the exact thing that makes me believe that you could never like a girl like me, that anybody could like me. now thats fucked up. and i dont even know how to talk to you anymore, how to be around you. not that ive tried. i just hope that nothing has changed. cause you are probably the sweetest, most genuine guy i have met in a while. yeah, you might not be as 'smooth' or as 'charming' as all those other guys who i tend to get so smitten over; but i think thats why i cant let you go.every day i think about you, about us, a future we could have. if only you just let these 'daydreams' come true.
you dont always
have to hold your head
higher than your heart. 

you seriously have no idea do you ? either that or you're too shy to even give a crap. i dont know how to make it more obvious to you rather than screaming out to you that i like you in public where everyone can hear. last night i got so annoyed, confused, happy, sad, everything that i even put t swift lyrics as my status. i havent done that since, well i cant remember when. and believe me when a girl puts taylor swift lyrics as her status something is either going seriously right or well just plain wrong. in my, or should i say 'our' case it's the latter. everyone i talk to thinks you like me as much as i like you, and a large majority of them havent even met you. if they can tell then why do i refuse to believe it ? want me to tell you ? . . its because you havent shown me that its true. kiss me , hold my hand , even just flirt with me in person , anything to show me that your feelings are there too. please ? im actually begging you right now. hands and knees begging. pleading. i need something from you, even if that something is you making it plain clear to me that we're just friends. coz right now im stuck in the middle , balancing on a thread. i just hope that when i fall you'll catch me ? but if not then thats okay too. itll hurt but the sooner the better because i just, i just wanna get on with my life ya know 


oh im scared to see the ending why are we pretending this is nothing. id tell you i miss you but i dont know how. ive never heard silence quite this loud.

cool thanks for confusing me even more. i thought one guy making me confused was bad enough. now i've got two.
the other day my mate asked me who i would go for if both of you 'declared your love' for me and i couldnt answer her. last week , i would've had no doubt in my mind. now i can't even choose. :/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ue-6GvtYA_M 

miss this <3

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here
Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way
I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here oh yeah
I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

Face to face and heart to heart We're so close yet so far apart I close my eyes I look away That's just because I'm not okay But I hold on I stay strong Wondering if we still belong Will we ever say the words we're feeling Deep down underneath it Tear down all the walls Will we ever have a happy ending Or will we forever only be pretending We will always be pretending How long do I fantasize Make believe that it's still alive Imagine that I am good enough If we can choose the ones we love But I hold on I stay strong Wondering if we still belong Will we ever say the words we're feeling Deep down underneath it Tear down all the walls Will we ever have a happy ending Or will we forever only be pretending Will we (oh oh) always (oh oh) be keeping secrets safe Every move we make Seems like nowhere's safe to go And it's such a shame Cause if you feel the same How am I supposed to know Will we ever say the words we're feeling Deep down underneath it Tear down all the walls Will we ever have a happy ending Or will we forever only be pretending Will we (oh oh) always (oh oh) be pretending