i have been putting off writing this post as there really are absolutely no words to describe my two ish weeks in Nepal. i have tried and tried but i cannot seem to explain to anyone how amazing my time was. it was a completely life changing experience but not in any ways that i would be able to show or describe to anyone, and trust me - ive tried.

and now, being back ive gone back to being unhappy and lonely. im not enjoying school and im as lonely as ive ever been. im jealous of my close friends who have boyfriends and girlfriends and are genuinely happy. it seems that the only thing that makes me really happy at the moment is football, which is awesome since its been over 5 months since i was injured and im finally able to train and play again. but that doesnt take up much time at all. last term i really started to enjoy school, now - after travelling to such an amazing country - i hate it. all i can think about is my plans for next year and planning what im going to study at uni the year after. i cant seem to motivate myself to do the work i need to do, i sit in class sleeping and listening to my ipod and i dont know what to do to change it. the worst part of it is the massive whole in my chest. im so lonely, after spending every day surrounded by people im hating being back in such quiet. and to make it that much worse, a lot of my really close friends have boyfriends or girlfriends and i havent heard anything from the guy i like even though things seemed to be going pretty well before i left. i duno what to do ae , i cant help wanting a boyfriend but i really do. i just want to feel like somebody needs me, like somebody loves me. somebdy other than my family and friends. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it makes so pissed off with myself which makes me feel even worse. anyway, im really looking forward to football training on monday which is good and im in the set team for stage challenge which is also rather exciting :). forever trying to be the optimist huh.