i have a theory. you got scared. scared of love. scared of commitment. scared of us. but why ? we were perfect together. i was the happiest i have ever been. you made me laugh when i didn't even want to smile. we were in love. it was true. it was real. i trusted you. i believed in you. you were my absolute and utter everything. you had my heart. and you broke it. not just in two. in a million little pieces. its still like that you know. in a million little pieces. i don't know how to fix it without you. or even if i can just yet. i always thought it would take more strength to hold on. but now i know. it takes a heck of a lot more strength. to just let go. to move on. i havn't even completely let go yet. or moved on. it's hard. almost too hard. but not quite. i just havn't got there yet. i will. it might take some time. but i'll get there. slowly my heart will mend. slowly i'll learn to trust guys again. hopefully it won't take too long. i don't know how long i can deal with this feeling. of not having you. when you're all that i want. i know that you're not good for me. that i shouldn't feel this way. especially about someone like you. but i do. i can't tell my heart how to feel. although i wish i could. but that's impossible. and to be quite frank. it sucks. feeling this way. nobody should ever have to go through that. go through what you put me through. it's hell. huh. i've been to hell and back. well not quite back yet. but i'm getting there. i think. you know what else i think. of course you don't. you're not edward cullen. you can't read minds. but i wish you could. because then. then you would understand what you meant. no. mean to me. well. i think. i think that guys shouldn't protect their egos so much. you knew i was going to break up with you. so you broke up with me first. just to protect your stupid fuckin' ego. what. a. joke. it's sad. sad how you let your fears over rule something so perfect. so amazing. something that made us both so happy. but that's life i guess. perfect doesn't exist. shit happens. and well. you know it's love when you can't hate them for breaking your heart. so. i'll get over it. i'll move on. you already have. moved on that is. i don't know if you're over it. you probably lie to yourself. tell yourself that you are. but deep down. you know you're not. and. that like me. you never really will be.