okay, so my last post was all about the earhthquake, took me a few days to write in between doing my seven page p.e assignment and talking to people on facebook and school etc etc.. anyways, for another massively long post from moi :

my brother moved down to dunedin over a month ago, havent seen his pretty little face other than in photos since then. im finding it really hard to grasp and to handle really, especially last week. i was very sick with some virus thing, and whenever im sick or upset or anything along those lines the first person i want is him. he is home to me, which i know is weird. you dont here many teenage girls asking for their brother when they're upset or sick, most want their mums or dads, sisters or best friend maybe. but i guess my brother and i have quite a unique relationship, hes like my protector. not to say i dont want my mum or dad or sister when im sick because its very comforting having them there too. but i was on the verge of tears all last week because i wanted jack, yet i couldnt see him. and thats when it really began to hit home that he wasnt just on holiday, that he wasnt coming back anytime soon. mum keeps telling me that i just dont seem happy anymore, ive noticed that shes only been saying that since he left. that really shocked me because during the day, when im around my friends im happy as anything, but she doesnt see that. its when i get home that im upset and i assume thats because my big brother isnt here anymore, when im with my friends it takes my mind off it, i can pretend that hes going to be there when i get home. but when i actually get home and he ain't there, i duno. its like something inside me ticks over, everything pisses me off and i can only just keep myself from crying at the smallest things. there are very few people ive ever missed this much in my life. only know that he misses me too and that i will get to see him soon hopefully keeps me from going crazy. iloveyoubro.